Ritsuka's waiting
by priestessgrrrl
Summary: Sometimes Ritsuka's voice reminds Soubi of Seimei. This is never good.


Ritsuka came barreling out of the school building, head down, ears back, tail puffed out. Soubi watched him with an upturned grin on his face. _Look out, here comes Pissy Kitty…!_

As Soubi reached out and grabbed his fleeing Sacrifice by the elbow, Ritsuka spun around, sputtering. "Soubi! Let me go!" He struggled to get free, but he only succeeded in giving Soubi a better grip.

"Did Ritsuka have a bad day?"

"Sooooubi! I don't have patience for this right now! Why do you always have to be so insistent…!"

"How else am I supposed to catch a pretty kitty?"

Ritsuka answered him with a _tsk_ and pulled his arm free, his face reddening. "I'm just not in the mood, okay?"

"Did something happen at school?"

Ignoring the question, Ritsuka hurried across the street, his fluffy tail twice its size, flicking sharply back and forth. Soubi followed, his long strides easily keeping up with his scurrying Sacrifice. 

Catching up with him at the next stoplight, Soubi crossed his arms over Ritsuka's chest, bending his head down to brush twitching kitty ears with his chin. "Did you kiss any girls today?" 

Ritsuka immediately squirmed away, blushing furiously. "NO! Of course not! Why do you always ask such annoying things?!"

"Boys, then?"

"SOUBI!!"

"Hmmmm?"

"Look, nothing happened today, okay? It's nothing!"

But it was clearly _something._ Ritsuka's irritated manner continued all the way down the street, and he was still huffing when they turned the corner, so much so that he nearly missed his customary stop at the 7-Eleven. Soubi caught his elbow one more time.

"WHAT??"

He pointed to a sign in the window. "Cherry Coke Slurpees."

Soubi grinned inwardly as he watched Ritsuka's scrunched up expression. He was trying his damnedest to stay vexed, yet at the same time, Cherry Coke Slurpees were clearly winning.

"Right, I'm going in there. You stay here! Don't cause any trouble!"

"Yes, Master."

Ritsuka rolled his eyes and disappeared into the store. Soubi let the smile spread across his features. _Cherry Coke Slurpees for the win…_ He might not understand Ritsuka's fascination with the sugary drinks, but he was well aware of how happy they made him. Perhaps it would be enough to cure his Sacrifice of whatever malady he had picked up in school today?

This was clearly not the case, however, as Ritsuka came out of the 7-Eleven wearing the same expression as before, if somewhat mollified by the syrupy beverage he was now sucking enthusiastically through a straw. With a single backward glance at his Fighter, he continued hurriedly down the street.

Soubi knew if he waited long enough, Ritsuka would come out with whatever it was that was bothering him. He therefore kept pace a little ways behind him, and sure enough, after a few minutes, Ritsuka began murmuring quietly to himself.

"Why is it some people just can't take a hint…?"

Soubi's ears perked up. _Who can't take a hint?_ He took a step back, but continued to listen intently.

"…it's not like Yuiko hasn't told him a thousand times how she feels. I mean, what's his deal, anyway? It's just so irritating!" 

Thinking for a moment, Soubi recalled that Ritsuka and Yuiko had a third friend, that squirrelly looking kid who was always flailing around, what was his name… Yayoi. That was it. He must have been chasing Yuiko again. Soubi pondered. Could Ritsuka be developing serious feelings for Yuiko? That would certainly be interesting…

"...it's like, hello, no one is waiting for you for a _reason_. Don't you get it? _No one is waiting for you._ Just go home already!"

_No one is waiting for you._

Soubi stopped dead. It was as if a rift had suddenly opened up in the sidewalk ahead of him, and the world began to melt around his ears. He shook his head, trying desperately to fight it – Ritsuka, this is _Ritsuka_, he's talking about his friend, it's nothing, _nothing_ – but it was useless. Ritsuka's voice was so close to his brother's sometimes it seemed to slice through Soubi like a hot knife. He knew Ritsuka didn't mean it, couldn't help it, but certain phrases, certain intonations matched his brother's exactly. _Go back to that room where no one is waiting for you and go to sleep._ Seimei's cruel eyes appeared before him, a menacing phantom. _No one is waiting for you. You are nothing. You will always be nothing._

Shuddering from head to toe, Soubi tried to remember how to breathe, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. He had to keep it together until they reached Ritsuka's house. Ritsuka didn't need to know about this. He quickened his pace, keeping his eyes focused on Ritsuka's little black tail, swishing back and forth, back and forth. _Ritsuka. It's Ritsuka._

Yet Soubi knew very well that once his dark shadows broke free of their cages, his carefully-patched sanity would begin to crumble around the edges and there was nothing he could do to defend himself. Seimei's voice pierced through his consciousness, a jagged blade through helpless flesh. _You really think that Ritsuka is different? You are pathetic. Why should Ritsuka want you? Why would anyone want you? Eventually he will throw you away, just like everyone else. You may as well face it. Nobody wants you._

Tears sprung into his eyes, and he fought them back. _No. No, it's not like that. Ritsuka's not like that…_ But now he wasn't so sure. If Ritsuka felt that way about Yayoi, maybe he felt that way about Soubi, too. _Why is it some people just can't take a hint…?_ Was Soubi meant to take a hint? Was this Ritsuka's way of telling Soubi that he didn't really want him, and he was just waiting for an excuse to get rid of him?

As if in answer, Ritsuka turned to face him. They had reached the Aoyagi residence. "Soubi. I've got homework. Go home. I don't have time to play today."

_Go back to that room where no one is waiting for you._

"Yes, Master."

Ritsuka stopped for a fraction of a second, as if he recognized the tremor in Soubi's voice, but he only sighed and shook his head, then continued into the house. The door slammed loudly. Soubi stood in the walkway, alone. Suddenly freezing cold, he shivered and turned up the collar on his long coat. He had to go. He had orders. He didn't want Ritsuka to see him like this, anyway. Yet a little voice inside him begged, _please, please don't leave me to my demons, please come back and tell me it's a lie, please…_

Seimei's voice inside him was vicious and unrelenting. His cruel, cutting laughter echoed mercilessly through Soubi's head. _Oh yes, Ritsuka, please do tell him that his life is worth something and he's not a pathetic, miserable excuse for a human being. He needs you to tell him, because without you, he's nothing. Nothing at all._

Soubi increased his pace, trying to block the harsh voices out. Soon Ritsu's lifeless monotone would join in a malevolent chorus with Seimei's brutal taunting, until Soubi wanted to tear all of his hair out just to make them _stop_. Both of them telling him again and again that he was _nothing, nothing, nothing…_

Crashing into his apartment, he tore straight into his paints, opening up all the colors at once, pouring all of his misery into their dripping wetness. Restless butterflies with blood red wings burst across the snow white canvas like gaping wounds. The brush shook in his right hand. He grabbed his wrist to steady it. It didn't help.

All of this wretchedness he could stand; all of these familiar demons he could keep at bay, but the idea that Ritsuka, his Ritsuka, his precious perfect Sacrifice, the terrible, terrifying idea that _Ritsuka_ could think he was nothing, that his beautiful Ritsuka would join in the poisonous chorus along with the others… It was just too cruel. He crumpled to the ground with his brush still in his hand, lying on the floor in fetal position, tears helplessly leaking from his eyes. _Ritsuka. My precious, perfect Ritsuka. Please don't throw me away. Please._

A loud sound came from somewhere just outside of his consciousness. Knocking, banging, crashing. Swift footsteps. _Could it be…?_

"Soubi? SOUBI!"

Arms were lifting him up off the floor. Gentle fingers smoothed his hair out of his still-wet eyes. "Soubi, are you all right? What _happened?"_

"Ritsuka… how…"

"I dunno, I just felt… sick, all of a sudden, and I couldn't stop thinking of you, and…"

"Ritsuka… thinks of me."

"Damn it, Soubi, will you knock it off and tell me what's wrong?? Are you hurt? Were you crying, just now? How can I help you if I don't know what's wrong?"

"Ritsuka… wants to help me."

"Ach, you are hopeless sometimes…!" He pulled Soubi close to his chest and began to rock him gently, stroking his long hair. "I order you to tell me what's wrong."

Soubi sniffed against Ritsuka's chest. "I thought… Ritsuka wanted me to… to take a hint."

"What? What are you talking about? Take a hint about what?"

"You said… you said, _no one was waiting…_" 

Ritsuka's entire body jumped in surprise. "Wait, WHAT? You were… you were listening to that stupid rant about Yayoi? And you took it _personally?_ Are you serious? You seriously… SOUBI!"

"I thought… I thought my Sacrifice was… ashamed of me."

"Sooooooubi!" Ritsuka pulled him even closer, his thin arms tightening protectively around his Fighter. "How many times do I have to tell you…! Why do you have to take every word I say so seriously?"

"You're my Sacrifice."

"So? That doesn't mean every word out of my mouth is an order! How could you even think something like that? How could you think I would be like that with you? What is the matter with you that you think like that? Honestly!"

"I'm sorry… Ritsuka."

"No more shame! That's an order, do you hear me?"

"I… I don't know if I can follow that order."

"Well you'd better figure out how, because I'm not putting up with it!"

"Whatever… Ritsuka wants."

"No." Ritsuka pulled back and took Soubi's head in his hands, fixing him with huge violet eyes full of determination. "No. Not whatever I want. Whatever _you_ want. I'm waiting for you to figure out what that is, and I'm going to keep waiting until you _get_ it."

_I'm waiting for you…_

The world melted around Soubi once again, but this time there was someone to cling to. _Ritsuka. Ritsuka is waiting for me. Ritsuka's waiting._ Tears poured out of him like blessed rain, and for the moment, the demons retreated, forked tails between their legs. Hell's chorus was briefly subdued, and Soubi's own inner voice could be heard above the din, faint but resolute, telling his fragile heart over and over again: _Ritsuka's waiting, Ritsuka's waiting, Ritsuka's waiting._


End file.
